March 2011
1 post
Re-proverbs
True beauty lies within- especially if you’re a twinky. Let’s be honest twinky, everybody’s in it for the filling. Don’t feel bad though, we all know that you wouldn’t be the same without your little pastry overcoat, but you’re no ho-ho.
An eye for an eye- makes cyclops completely blind and far more likely to cause some serious destruction. Next time you...
December 2010
2 posts
Gpa
My grandfather turns 80 today. He has lived three and a half times longer than I have… He saw a massive world war, and the Vietnam war- undoubtedly watching many friends leave home and never return. Learning how to say goodbye in a more permanent sense. He married a wonderful woman at the age of nineteen and had three fiesty daughters with whom he fought about first dates, allowances,...
I'm on a list kick.
Top five people I don’t feel bad not liking:
1. The guy who bought the last 5 maple bars right in front of me this morning. I hope your arteries appreciate that culinary adventure.
2. The stranger who says “terrible” to “how are you doing?” and then doesn’t want to talk about it. Now I feel bad and I don’t know why, that was an unnecessary addition to...
November 2010
2 posts
Top 5 Most Narcissistic Things You Can Do To Love...
Just got back from the gym where every magazine and its mother (they have mothers too you know) has some kind of suggestion for how to love yourself more. I have my own.
1. Wear shirts with pictures of your face on the back so that no one has to miss your face as you walk away
2. Date someone who looks like you and put up lots of mirrors in your bedroom**
3. Write your will- leave everything...
"whilom" is the coolest synonym for "formerly"...
I am in a relationship with my i-Phone. Or was, at least. I know this only because it broke up with me today. I decided to listen to music out loud during the half marathon I was running, got a little too sweaty, and now the little guy is just dead to the world. No words can do this loss any justice. I feel like it just flipped me off with its little middle i-finger and told me to go i-f*ck...
October 2010
2 posts
10 percent
I live in Seattle. I recognize more colors of grey than there are excuses for not going to church on Sundays. People get fooled into moving here because they come to visit in the Spring or the Summer, on one of our few sunny days, and they see all of the greens and blues that exist because of this persistent cloud layer. Ninety percent of the year we are just taking it for the environmental...
I feel bad about my economy
The economy is so terrible that I am beginning to take it personally. You know how they joke about things that are so unlikely to happen to you that they’re practically impossible? Like plummeting to your death via a grate on a city street or being hit by a boat while on a ski-doo? Well I have a better chance of those things happening than getting a job right now- ANY job- I have been to...
August 2010
1 post
Oh Jeez...
There is no excuse for how bad I am with names. My inability to remember the syllables that mark a person’s identity is not only shameful, but also almost impressive. Your name could be panther- and you could introduce yourself ten times in a row while taking different yoga positions- and the likelihood that I will remember your name is on par with that of me running for President in 2012.
I...
March 2010
1 post
Sometimes when I'm bored...
I like to think about board meetings- no pun intended. Especially ones that revolve around creating a product or a commercial. I find advertisements and marketing to be a fascinating world about which I know basically nothing. And I like that I know nothing about it, because it allows my imagination a little bit of wiggle room that it doesn’t have in such areas as, say, seedless vascular...
February 2010
3 posts
Olympic Dreams
I used to have an actual complex about being 15 years old and not yet having a gold medal. Like the kind of complex that requires you to dismiss yourself awkwardly while watching the semi-finals of figure skating, sob in the bathroom for two minutes, make it look like you weren’t crying, and rejoin your family to watch that tiny Russian girl complete a triple sow-cow. A common complex...
Snow snow snow
Paulo Coelho once said, “we wouldn’t worry nearly as much about what people thought of us if we recognized how seldom they do.” True story, Coelho. And a fitting thought upon spending my 48th hour snowed in to my blizzard-wrought apartment complex- thinking, inevitably, about the many ongoing issues that pepper my life. Our mind wanders at an astounding rate- zooming through would-haves,...
Exploring.
I purchased this book the other day called How to be an Explorer of the World. I was so excited to explore- thinking that I had stumbled upon the key to a lost city or a map that would lead me to an underground lair. But what this guide actually wanted me to do was simply to take a closer look at my immediate surroundings.
I turned to a page called Smell Tour and found a friend of mine on gchat...
October 2009
2 posts
Dia Diez
This blog post is dedicated to Anna, because I love her.
I’m not so sure that it was a step in the right evolutionary direction for us to become such complicated emotional creatures. We have a basic duty in life, and if we were judged purely upon this goal of biological fitness, we could probably all be successful at our endeavors. Funny to think about really… if we were actually...
Dia Nueve
Here is an oversimplification: baking cookies is a lot like life. Especially when you get half way through, figure out you don’t have a crucial ingredient, do a little cost beneft analysis of going to the market to pick it up, and then end up slightly altering the recipe and hoping for the best. Cookies don’t work without butter, and only specific ingredients can adequately sub in for...
September 2009
6 posts
Dia Ocho
Our bodies are such crazy universes. There is so much going on all of the time to keep us alive- and we all know this of course. We are a crazy complex of cells, a strange and complicated biological algorithm that just so happened to work. And thank God for that, because if certain individuals did not exist in my life, I would be nowhere. Actually I would be lost in a dark cave somewhere,...
Dia Siete
Well I’m pretty sure that this orgo/bio/physics party I’m having has all but sucked the creativity out of my bones but I’ll try to post again…
By the way, never have this party. This party is NOT as fun as it sounds, even if you were on the math and chess teams and asked for a chemistry set for christmas every year. This party leaves you as bitter and anti-social as a...
Dia Seis
After much contemplation… If you’re saying “that sucks,” chances are… Whoever you are saying this to is already aware of the suckiness of their predicament.
Better phrases to eject into conversation: “it could be so much worse, you could have swine flu” (or caught it last night if you know what I mean). OR “that’s awesome.” which, meant...
I didn’t write that last blog post, but wow. Shock and awe… mostly at the three buck chuck comment because clearly it is two buck chuck… coming from someone who used to know it well. cheers.
Deep breaths
swannspot:
Diet Rockstar… you are the kin of battery acid - hot piss potion! You are the distilled exudate of hot garbage. I actually feel kidney pain right now. I doubt there is a natural molecule in your entire chemical makeup.
I drank this caffienated Centaur urine not an hour ago. I don’t feel like studying anymore so before lay in bed trying to fall asleep for the next hour or two I...
shhhhleep.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep
August 2009
14 posts
Dia Cinco
I went peach picking today out at Carter’s Mountain Orchard. Wandering out amongst the rolling hills of peachy promised-land, I started thinking about how life is like peach picking. You are given a bag at the beginning and told to go out and find the best peaches you can gather. But, if you are like myself and many others, you don’t know what constitutes the perfect peach. You...
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his butt.
Dia Cuatro
I love how friendly the radio is until something happens to you. 364 days of the year you can just turn it on with no fear of how relevant the music will be… You sing about sex, drugs, and rock n roll… Your neighbor’s dog… Cross dressing… Funerals… As if you have nothing to do with any of it.
Then comes that one day, when something unfortunately rocks your...
Ode to sleeping on an airplane.
Dear sir in the middle seat.
Mouth sprawling open like a cavern of stank.
Appalling breath.
Cacophonous noises escaping your sinuses.
You sir, are the reason I requested the aisle.
Dia Tres
Yesterday my parents road-trip kidnapped me to a place called Leavenworth, Washington. For those unfamiliar with small west-coast Bavarian villages, Leavenworth is a small west-coast Bavarian village. Having tasted enough German brew’s to poison a small child, my mother, father, and I wandered down the main drag and stumbled upon a sign reading “Nutcracker Museum.” Right-O....
Anna this is for you. Have a great day. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5woNs9WRE
Dia Dos
Sounders game last night with fam. US soccer has a long way to go to be on par with the rest of the world, and yes I feel comfortable enough in my expertise to say that. It turns out that the more you tune in for drooling purposes, the more actual soccer knowledge you absorb by osmosis. Please do not hold me accountable on trivia night.
I couldn’t stop thinking about all of the drama that...
Dia Uno
Dinner in Bellingham last night with a great group of hippie folk. Asked everyone at the table for a brief argument for the best fruit ever… 4 votes apple, 2 votes tomato, 1 vote starfruit (which is blatantly incorrect and yes I do judge people for this answer), and 2 votes grapes (of either the red or green variety- no discrimination). I think apple probably speaks for the Northwest in...
“For most of history, Anonymous was a woman” - Virginia Woolf”
